Many people are under the [incorrect] impression that getting divorced is a relationship failure and being a divorcee is something to be ashamed of. However, we are here to tell you that staying in a toxic marriage is so much worse. While we, in no way, are saying that if you are unhappy in your marriage that you should simply just walk away without attempting to give it your best effort, we are making the argument that not all marriages are salvageable or even worth saving.
Join us in today’s post as we discuss some of the reasons that leaving a toxic relationship is the best thing you can do for your kids by addressing some common reasons people stay together despite being unhappy.
At Petrelli Previtera, family law team, we have the experience you need and have seen it all when it comes to marriage, divorce, and child custody. We know that each situation is unique and can help you and your family through your family matters.
Moving On When It Becomes Unhappily Ever After
No one enters into a marriage with the intention of getting a divorce. No matter the reason a marriage ends or who is the one to request the divorce, it is hard. When the honeymoon phase passes and real life begins, life changes, including having kids, can create change and this is perfectly normal. However, for some couples, this change is not positive growth, but rather a resentment and emotional distance. A marriage becomes toxic when one or both spouses are unhappy and discomfort becomes routine. Any marriage that features abuse, emotional dependence, jealousy, manipulation, or apathy is toxic. If any of these are the reason you stay in your marriage, let us help provide some perspective and insight.
”Kids need both parents.
This is absolutely correct, and we could not agree more. In fact, the state of Colorado also agrees wholeheartedly. However, children also need both parents to be healthy and happy. When parents resent each other, the tension creates a hostile and uncomfortable for everyone exposed. Additionally, children learn by example and the relationship between their parents is how they learn what a normal relationship looks like and what they deserve out of their relationships. If you and your spouse are continually bickering, or worse, abusive toward one another, children will emulate this and live in fear. Children do need both parents, but they don’t necessarily need them together.
”(S)he’s such a good parent.”
This is respectable. However, not a good reason to stay in a toxic relationship. A good parent, a good partner does not make. You did not marry your spouse because they are a good parent and that is no reason to stay in a loveless marriage. And, we should remind you that they can be a great parent to your children, independently of your relationship. In fact, the state of Colorado fully supports equal parenting responsibilities to each parent in the event of divorce. You moving on from a toxic relationship will not prevent their ability to parent your children.
”It would upset the kids.”
You bet that a divorce will upset the kids. It will upset you and everyone who loves you. However, kids, like you, are resilient and adaptive. There will be grieving and maybe anger, but a new “normal” will be established and a happier, healthier home will soothe the situation and eventually increase everyone’s happiness.
”(S)He doesn’t hit them.”
We hear this one all too often. Let us clarify something, although your spouse may not inflict physical violence on your children, allowing them to bear witness to their parent being assaulted is doing irreparable psychological damage to their young minds. They are learning that it is normal, and something that they, too, are deserving of. Being witness to domestic violence puts children at twice the risk of being in their own abusive relationships later in life and destroys any trust, empathy, and a healthy sense of human connection and love. Additionally, when children are helpless to stop the violence, they are at an increased risk for depression and suicide. Do what is best for you by leaving your abuser, because even if they don’t physically harm your children, it is also the best thing for them.
If you are unsure about how to leave an abuser or are concerned that they will come after you or your children, get the help you need! For more information, read here. and seek the help of these resources.
Start Over For the Kids
If you and your spouse are creating a toxic environment for yourselves and your children because of irreconcilable differences, divorce is a viable option that can give you, your spouse, and your children a second chance and a happy life. In no way does divorce mean that you have failed or that your relationship was never worth the marriage, it simply means that it is over and it is time to move on. For the legal support, you need to get through this difficult time, contact the family law team at Petrelli Previtera, LLC.
At the Law Offices of Petrelli Previtera, LLC, our divorce attorneys will aggressively defend the rights of your family to work toward the best outcome for everyone involved. When you work with our legal team, you’ll get the compassionate support you need and the legal defense you deserve. Contact us for your complimentary consultation today!