With so many happy couples eager to say “I Do” each year, it is concerning that nearly 40 percent of first-time marriages, 60 percent of second marriages, and 73 percent of third marriages end in divorce. To help you maintain wedded bliss until death does you part, tune in to today’s post where we offer some tips on preventing divorce.
We know what you may be thinking, divorce attorneys make their money on divorce, why would I take their marriage advice? First, it is important that you understand that at Petrelli Previtera, we do not encourage divorce. In fact, our divorce attorneys help families find alternatives to divorce. However, if divorce is inevitable, our legal team does what is best for the family to help support the most positive outcome. Additionally, we are privy to all of the intimate details of the dissolution of marriages and can offer insight to help prevent others from falling into the same fate.
Seek premarital counseling.
Premarital counseling can help prevent a variety of issues in your marriage, divorce being the least of them. Pre-marital counseling can help you see beyond the honeymoon blinders and assess the real values at the core of your relationship. Counselors can help reveal insecurities in each partner and as a couple. A good counselor can offer talking points, coping techniques and can open the door to lifelong healthy communication that can keep your marriage thriving into your late 90s. Before you put a ring on it, show real commitment to each other by investing in premarital counseling together. It will give your marriage the solid foundation on which to build an earthquake-proof future.
Marry for the right reasons.
When you meet the person of your dreams and they sweep you off your proverbial feet, it can be difficult to think rationally or logically. Your heart wants what your heart wants. And that’s okay. While you should take time to evaluate if “forever” is really what these emotions mean, there is a long list of reasons that should never be the reason you pledge your undying love to another person.
- You become pregnant.
- You need health insurance.
- You need legal status.
- Spousal privilege.
- You’re afraid you’ll lose them if you don’t commit.
- There was an ultimatum made.
- They are relocating with their job and can take you if you are married.
- You need the status for a discount, to qualify for services, or for any contractual reason.
- Your friends and family say you should.
- They asked.
This list is basically a list of reasons that divorce occurs. When you marry someone because it makes sense and not because you value the companionship and partnership the other has to offer, it makes for a long and difficult life together.
Keep your marriage personal.
Social media is the death of current relationships. You should never air your dirty laundry outside of your house, but if you need advice or a sympathetic ear, ensure it is not public. Remember that when you share the good, the bad, and the ugly, those you share with do not see the day-to-day support, love, and affection. They are not privileged to intimate conversations and details from all angles. Your friends and family are loyal and will always take your side, and may be slow to forgive when you have a small argument. These public defacements of your partner will lead to a lack of trust or respect from your friends and family to your partner. This may result in direct encouragement to leave them or a silent suggestion to create distance. Either way, it is toxic to a relationship and allows small, normal speedbumps, to become unsummitable mountain ranges. Keep your relationships to yourself and share the intimate details with the partners involved and no one else.
Keep the “team” in “teammate.”
Always try to remember that the grass is always greener where it is tended to. Many people are so quick to see the luscious green lawn of their neighbors and feel envious of their seemingly perfect lives. However, what you may not see is the amount of pruning, seeding, watering, and weed picking they do. Of course, the green lawn is a metaphor for your relationship and where the conditions are ideal, the grass will grow.
Marriage tip number four is to do your part. Tend to the lawn, check in with your partner. Serve them and remind them that they are your better half, the love of your life. Not every day is sunshine and rainbows, but it is the thunderstorms that make the flowers grow. Lawn metaphors aside, be a part of the partnership to keep the relationship thriving.
When your relationship does hit rocky shores, and it will, consider alternatives to divorce. Consider options that include marital counseling, taking personal time or space, and legal mediation. In difficult times, attempt to focus on why you were married to begin with and the potential that exists. Try to focus on how you and your partner have changed over time and where things went awry. Are there things you can do to help bring it back to center and move past the challenges that are presented?
Know your limits.
Sometimes, there are things in life that result in the ultimate consequence. Divorce can be the only solution for some marriages, and no amount of soul searching can, or should, change that. If your marriage has suffered domestic violence, infidelity, or years of irreconcilable differences, no your limits and respect yourself and your future enough to find happiness, even if that means divorce. If you have made it to this point, divorce is the last result, exactly as it should be. If you have exhausted your other options and your marriage has dissolved, you’ll need the legal support that you can count on to make the divorce process as painless as possible for all parties involved.
Before you file divorce paperwork to end your marriage, contact the divorce attorneys at Petrelli Previtera, LLC. We can discuss all of your marriage options to find the one that best suits you and your situation. We can provide legal mediation, divorce services, and counsel that supports your entire family. Contact us for your consultation today.