Navigating the New Family Dynamics
Divorce takes its toll on the entire family. Not only are you struggling to find a new normal, but so are your kids and maybe even your pets, especially temperamental cats. Once the emotional turmoil has subsided and you are into a new routine, you discover something new again — love. Remarriages are on the rise in the United States, and many of these have kids that go along with it, creating blended family and affixes of “step.”
Petrelli Previtera in the Denver area are top divorce and family lawyers who understand the struggles of divorce, child custody, alimony, mediation, and child support. When you need a good divorce attorney, give us a call. Below, we’ll go over tips on how to handle your new marriage after a divorce.
TIPS ON REMARRYING AFTER A DIVORCE
Give Yourself Time
Many people rush into a marriage right after a divorce when they aren’t fully healed from the end of their first marriage. The divorce rate for second marriages is higher than for first: 67%. This should be reason enough to postpone your second marriage until you are ready. Relationships are messy, and too many people fall in love again and want to make their love legal. While this is noble in mind, it’s not ideal in reality.
If you have kids, you definitely need to slow down your new relationship. They need time to heal and fully digest that you and your spouse are no longer a couple. Many children harbor the fantasy that you and your spouse will get back together again and that life can go back to what it was. A lot of this has to do with age. Petrelli Previtera in Denver notes that many experts recommend that you wait at least two years before remarriage. This will give your kids time to heal and mature, which will allow them to have more understanding as well.
Date For a While
On your second marriage, you want to be sure that this is the right decision for you and your children. After all, going through a second divorce can be even more devastating than your first divorce. You’ll want to proceed with an abundance of caution and date the person whom you are considering marrying for a while (experts say two years). This will give you plenty of time to know the person and all their idiosyncrasies before jumping in.
Who Is Your Priority: Your Kids Or Your New Spouse?
A covenant marriage entails putting your spouse above everything and everyone else. When you decide to marry a second time, you are putting your new spouse above your children. You need to be sure in your heart who is first and who is second.
Research shows that the best time to enter into a second marriage is either before your kids are 10 years old or after they are 16 years old. The years in-between are too turbulent for kids to handle on their own, and your kids especially need you now.
Realize Your New Spouse Will Never Love Your Kids Like You Do — And Vice Versa
There is a bond between biological children and their real parents that is unique and cannot be fabricated elsewhere. You will always be willing to die for your children, but you probably won’t be willing to die for your new spouse’s children and vice versa. That’s not to say there can’t be affection between your children and your new spouse; it will never be like your relationship.
That being said, you’ll have to realize that favoritism will be a constant battle. Your new spouse will favor their kids as you will favor yours. All the kids involved intuitively know this as well. Petrelli Previtera, a Denver child custody attorney, notes that the trick will be to impartially train yourself when it comes to making decisions, which may be impossible, but it is doable in front of the children (what you feel in your heart you can never change).
Know Your Baggage — And That of Your Future Spouse
Human nature is fickle, and people change very slowly, which only worsens with age. Past behavior is an indication of future behavior, so do your research on your new spouse before you buy. If your future partner has a history of cheating, this should be a glaring red flag to go the opposite direction. This can be really challenging, especially if you have strong feelings for the other person. However, if you think about the hurt your first marriage caused you and your children, you’ll do the right thing, despite what your feelings say to do.
That being said, you need to understand why your first marriage failed — and your role in its failure. Marriage is a two-way street, and unless spousal abuse or infidelity was in play, you probably had a role in the dissolution of your marriage. Learn from your past mistakes, so you don’t repeat them in your next marriage.
MORE TIPS TO HELP YOU WHEN YOUR SPOUSE REMARRIES
Distraction is one of the best coping mechanisms in existence, for any ailment you are suffering. Petrelli Previtera in Denver notes that when you are busy, you don’t have time to think about your ex, your hurt, or the other person they are marrying. Instead, get out more and do more. Throw yourself into your career. Do things for yourself, such as things you normally wouldn’t do. This includes a round of golf at the local club, a spa day with some friends, or a weekend in Vegas. On the day your spouse gets married, make sure you have something planned as well.
Life is Not a Competition
You may feel beat by the fact that your spouse got remarried before you did, and you may feel the need to rush into a relationship or accelerate the one you are in just to keep up. We all have an innate desire to be desired and wanted, and you may be craving the intimacy of a marriage that you had with your ex once again. However, Petrelli Previtera in Denver notes that you don’t want to rush into anything and make a big mistake simply because you feel the need to keep up with your ex. Talk to someone, and try to let go of these feelings.
Resolve to Not Cause Trouble
If you are still hurt from your divorce, you may be tempted to use this new situation to your advantage and make life difficult for your ex. Petrelli Previtera urges you to resist this temptation, especially if kids are involved. It does no good to cause trouble when your kids will most likely suffer from it as well. It’s best to maintain your distance from your ex, mutual friends, and even the in-laws. Having as little interactions as possible is the best way to avoid problems and to keep you moving forward and recovering, instead of dredging up past junk.
HOW PETRELLI PREVITERA CAN HELP WITH ALL YOUR DIVORCE NEEDS
The beautiful thing about life is that the path we all walk is different, from the job we have when we grow up to the experiences we have as kids that help to make us who we are. For some, divorce is on their path, creating a very low valley that can take time to climb up out of.
Petrelli Previtera, a top divorce law firm in Denver, understands the hardships of divorce. We have dedicated our lives to helping you get over the hurdle of divorce, one step at a time. And perhaps, your path will have a new love in your life. We suggest you proceed with caution and a healed heart.
When you need a good divorce attorney, give us a call today. We are the dependable family law attorneys of choice who you can place your confidence in. With years of experience, we can help you mediate your divorce or go to trial if need be. We proceed always with your best interests in mind, and we work diligently to gain the best outcome for you. We offerconfidential consultations. Reach out to us today to schedule yours!